Oh... You're Gay, Dawg?

Earlier today there was a small discussion about women and their whining and/or complaining being the reason why a follower [on twitter] corroborated that he refused to be with a woman.  I then countered his statement stating that I knew of men who possessed the same behaviors of those he expressed as purely of the female species.  The conversation lasted a few more tweets as the follower expressed that he too has been with women so he was speaking from experience.  I too have dabbled in the likes of the female species before venturing off to the male domain and another follower wanted me to share this.  I thought it was too much to get into on twitter, so I decided to blog about it.

Here we go...

In the last 90s, "gay" was discussed but it wasn't as openly discussed as it is nowadays.  I personally didn't know of any gay people, but I did know that gay was wrong and it was not of God; or so that is what I had been taught to believe.  But when I was in middle school, I found myself very fond of a guy [we'll call him Freddy] but I didn't understand what was going on.  It was more of a "best friend" vibe I was giving off.  You know that one guy in middle school who has the beard, goatee, and deep voice -- that was Freddy.  Like I always wanted to be around him.  Eating lunch together, always picking him on my team, altering my schedule so that we took some of the same classes together... but again, this was not gay to me.  It was just me wanting Freddy to be my "best friend".  Anywho, I was soon over that phase when I got to high school.  I went to private elementary and middle schools, so after practically begging my mother to allow me to enroll in the local public high school, I was open to a whole new world.  It was your typical urban high school, but I wasn't used to it at all.  So it was definitely a shocker for me, but I learned to adapt quickly. 

Throughout high school, I had "feelings" for guys but I submerged them all.  I continued dating girls, I played sports, I was somewhat of a bully and hung with all the jocks.  My little crew were known for eating pussy.  That was our thing.   It all started because we wanted to see what these girl's privates looked like and we would meet up and discuss like some mobsters.  Catching up with the fellas after football and baseball practice to watch a flick that someone stole from their pops or one of the many that circulated the halls at school.  Those were the days.  Anywho, so throughout high school, I was never approached about my sexuality or what my preference was when it came to sex.  Everyone assumed I was nasty because of the crew I ran with and all we did was have sex with girls and watch porn all day. 

[Oh, by this time I knew I was gay.  I figured it all out the beginning of my senior year but still never acted on these feelings with a guy.]

Then came college. Now, my college was small... very small.  We held about 2000 students [in total] and the ratio of women to men was nearly 23:1 [23 women for every guy].  I made friends quickly.  Still friends with a few.  We gay bashed, threw water balloons at the gays, and even shot them with water guns.  It was all in fun though, we never meant any harm... just something to do.  I had a few girlfriends my freshman and sophomore year.  I dated one of my then-best friend's homegirl, even a stripper that me and my then-best friend would flip [have sex with at the same time].  My then-best friend knows now, but he was the start of my voyeuristic behavior.  I would find more enjoyment in watching him fuck her than I would actually having sex with her myself.  It was a strange feeling at first, but with time it all began to make sense.  So sophomore year rolls around and here came the new batch of freshman.  They were a flamboyant bunch but I knew that I had to maintain.  I had been doing good.

Well... not long after midterms, I was approached by this guy who sat next to me on the couch of the lobby area in my dorm.  He sat RIGHT next to me and asked me about the [football] game.  Trying to make small talk, I later found out that he came to talk to me for his friend who came to feel me out to see if I were gay or not.  I was told that he told him [the friend] that I wasn't gay but dude still wanted to try me anyway.  Now, this part is a blur because I don't remember how he ended up in my dorm do remember my dick in his mouth.  So my sophomore year was the first time I got my dick sucked by a guy, fucked a guy, and really grasped the concept that "you're gay, dawg".  I was literally living a double life on campus and at home.  19 years old and wilding out. 
room or how it even came to play but I

My senior year of college is when I was like "fuck it" though.  I didn't care who knew I was gay then.  Rumors spread and I heard the laughing and giggles, but NO ONE, not ONE person every approached me and asked "are you gay?"  I guess it was just something understood.  I'll never forget coming downstairs and hearing this girl say, "he waited til senior year to come out."  I just laughed and kept walking.  She wanted me freshman year. LOL 

Now, in my late twenties and finally in a happy place with both my spiritual and sexuality, I think it's a understanding I have with people.  If you ask me, I'll tell you.  People always ask me, "does your mama know?" and I tell them "no, but if she does it's never discussed."    But that's a[whole]nother story. 

Apologize For What?

First, let me start off by saying that I am a black male in my late twenties who is homosexual.  Does my sexuality define my opinions, no; and with that being said, I must state that the views reflected in this post are that of a Christian homosexual.

Yesterday, I received a text from a great friend of mine, who is heterosexual, asking me my view on the Jason Collins story (we talk sports all the time).  I replied to him saying that I was more concerned with the backlash that Chris Broussard was receiving rather than the issue of Collins "coming out".  We both agreed that we had no disagreement in his statement, and actually saw some relevance in it.  Not saying we agreed with it wholeheartedly, but understanding that it was simply his opinion.

The past few days social media has been on a rant about the latest news of former NBA center, James Collins, "coming out" as an openly gay athlete.  Although this may come off as news for some, it has escalated to excitement for many.  As this should have come as no surprise to the LGBT community, I figured that once it was admittedly stated by an athlete that it would give the world a little time off of Keyshia Cole's back... yeah, we won't discuss that one.  I thought that the jokes would carry on for a few hours at most and that the question at hand would be "who is 'coming out' next?", but instead we were hit with a curve ball.

Sports analyst and senior columnist for ESPN the Magazine, Chris Broussard, had a televised conversation about openly gay athletes in the sports arena.  The columnist was interviewed on an episode of Outside the Lines [ESPN] on April 29th, and when asked how did he feel about Collins stating that he was a Christian in his Sports Illustrated article, and he responded as such:

"...Personally, I don't believe that you can live an openly homosexual lifestyle or an openly premarital sex between heterosexuals, if you're openly living that type of lifestyle, then the Bible says you know them by their fruits, it says that's a sin. If you're openly living in unrepentant sin, whatever it may be, not just homosexuality, adultery, fornication, premarital sex between heterosexuals, whatever it may be, I believe that's walking in open rebellion to God and to Jesus Christ. I would not characterize that person as a Christian because I do not think the Bible would characterize them as a Christian." [Yahoo! Sports]

Note that the before he even uttered a word, he began his statement off with "personally", therefore leaving no margin for anyone to say that he was speaking for the masses.  We all know that the Bible can be interpreted in various ways, and in different versions.  Hell, it is all word of mouth.  Certainly, my comprehension of the Word is going to be different from my neighbors.  But with all that being said, I found nothing wrong with statement Broussard made in regards to homosexuality, nor did I find anything offensive about his take on what he felt God shunned upon.

Simply because of this... No MAN is going to determine my fate in where I will spend eternal life once I leave this earth. No MAN is going to tell me that my love for God is belittled because of my sexuality.  And it is for those reasons alone that I have no problem with Broussard making the statement that he did.  I know my relationship with God, and I have my own battle to fight.  If I walked around looking for an apology from everyone who said something cold to me, I would be one miserable man.

After the blogs posted that neither ESPN nor Chris Broussard were made to give an apology for stating his opinion, a few people were taken by it; like the people at thinkprogress.org.  In the end, I believe that if you felt some type of way about the way he answered a question that was asked to him, then you need to check your relationship with God.  Chris Broussard is of man, he is not God, and I will not be moved.

Am I wrong for feeling the way that I do?  Was he really wrong for stating his opinion?